This play was written to make God laugh, to make Satan cry,
to tease the White House staff, and to please my favorite guy ;)

SYNOPSIS

Juliet & Romeo: A Play on Life in America
Story and lyrics by Emily Nghiem
(713)867-5998
P.O. Box 981101, Houston TX 77098

Special thanks to Michael Anthony LaPrade, Peter Hargrave, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kevin Jackson, and others who helped me to piece this crazy thing together! (You know who you are, but if you'd like your name included --

"I'll add you to the list!
[So you won't be perturbed!]
I'll add you to the list,
So that no one's name is missed!"
-- etn, misquoting The Mikado)

Description: Musical revue of political parodies satirizing the best and worst of American society.

Purpose: To promote diverse artistic talent and cultural literacy in Houston; to raise funds for arts education and resources in order to reduce crime and violence citywide; and to inspire political opponents to kiss and makeup, and to invest in creative solutions that benefit the whole community.

Summary: Paris and Juliet, a pro-life feminist, and Romeo and Rosalind, a pro-choice activist, swap partners amidst the political chaos separating them and their parents from their true loves. In the course of their misadventures, the couples confront social issues concerning the justice/prison system; abortion, death penalty, and termination; social/cultural prejudice; marriage laws, adultery, dysfunctional relations; and freedom of expression (religious, political, artistic, or otherwise).

All materials, printed or recorded, are designated for educational use. However, donations may be made to any charitable or nonprofit group that assists victims of crime or violence, provides mediation training or services, or otherwise addresses the issues presented in this play. A list of such recommended groups appeared in the original condensed version of the treatment/lyrics, and will be added to this website in the near future. --etn

TITLES OF SONGS LISTED BY SCENE
(AND SONGS FROM PLAYS/MOVIES BEING PARODIED)

NOTE: *(ASTERISK)* = TRANSITIONAL DIALOGUE/SONGS BETWEEN SCENES/SONGS that are variations/parodies/samplings of various seques/themes from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Evita, Phantom of the Opera, etc.

EDITOR's NOTE: After studying Webber's work for the past several months*, I've come to the conclusion that he's the Shakespeare of musical theatre. (*Special thanks to Hisham Emran for recommending Phamtom of the Opera and to Lyndon Joslin, Paul Parks, and David Holiman for letting me study over at their places.) If anyone knows how I might contact the Maestro personally, I'd love to collaborate with him on setting The Scarlet Letter to music, or also re-adapting The Diary of Adam and Eve, preferably some time in this lifetime. (I think I was Evita in the past, or at least partially.) --etn

SCENE 0 -- Optional Intro: Writer and Company (May be used to open Act II instead)

  • "Written Years Ago" ("Many Moons Ago"/Once Upon A Mattress)
  • "Juliet and Romeo" ("The Glory of Love" by Billy Hill)
    SCENE 1 -- Anarchist Riot: Entire Company (Rioters, Police, etc.)
  • *"Prologue"*
  • "It's Election Day!" ("It's A Typical Day"/Li'l Abner)
    Optional: "Radicals!" ("Savages!"/Pocahontas)
    SCENE 2+ -- Duet(s): Romeo/Rosalind (plus optional ballet)
  • "I'll Never Ever Lust Again" ("I'll Never Fall In Love Again"/Promises, Promises)
  • *"You Must Tell Me"* (Optional) ("You Must Love Me"/Evita)
    SCENE 3 -- Acrobatic dance: Romeo and friends (Mercutio/Benvolio/Portfolio)
  • "Kinship" ("Friendship"/Anything Goes!)
  • *"Cheer Up And Let's Go!"* (Optional) ("Goodnight And Thank You"/Evita)
    SCENE 4 -- Bible Study turned Poetry Slam: Juliet and Company, Romeo and Street Artists/Poets, Lord Capulet/Paris
  • "Women's Prayer" ("Maria"/The Sound of Music)
  • "Racist Rap: What is White?" ("What is Pink? A Rose Is Pink" by Christina Rossetti)
  • *"Shape Up Or Ship Out!"* ("Good Night And Thank You"/Evita)
    Optional: "Radicals!" (Reprise) ("Savages!"/Pocahontas)
    SCENE 5 -- Harassment Duet: Paris/Juliet
  • "ME!" ("You!"/Whoopee!)
  • "I'm Getting Sick of This Fool!" ("I Get A Kick Out Of You"/Anything Goes!)
    SCENE 6 -- Balcony Scene: Romeo/Juliet joined by Paris
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "Somehow" ("Somewhere"/West Side Story)
  • "I Can't Take No" ("I Cain't Say No!"/Oklahoma!)
    Optional: "He's Fine, Fine, Fine!" (Mine! Mine! Mine!/Pocahontas)
    SCENE 7 -- Gay "gay-bashing" bash: Romeo and Company (Stacey/Wendy/Mercutio/Benvolio), Tybalt, Police
  • "Two Little Gays (How Cool Are We)" et al.
    ("Three Little Maids (From School Are We"/The Mikado et al.)
  • "Gays and Dykes" ("Guys and Dolls"/Guys and Dolls)
  • *(Transitionals)*
    SCENE 8 -- Prison: Romeo and Company, joined by Rosalind/Juliet
  • "Texas Executioner" ("Lord High Executioner" (The Mikado)
  • "Arizona!" ("Oklahoma!"/Oklahoma!)
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "A Time for Trust" ("A Time For Us"/Romeo and Juliet)
  • "Somehow" (Reprise) ("Somewhere"/West Side Story)
    Optional *Love Scene in the Dark* (see Appendix)
    SCENE 9 -- Prayer Scene: Nurse Olivia, Lady Montague, Rosalind (in spirit)
  • "I Wanna Throw-Up!" ("I Gotta Crow!"/Peter Pan)
    SCENE 10 -- Abortion Protest: Rosalind/Juliet, Apothecary/Brother Austin and Company
  • "Abortifacient Drugs" ("My Favorite Things"/The Sound of Music)
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "Pro-Choicers and Pro-Lifers" ("The Farmer and the Cowman"/Oklahoma!)
  • "Backlash Boys" ("Masquerade"/Phantom of the Opera)
    SCENE 11 -- Wedding Rehearsal: Juliet/Paris, Brother Austin, Lord/Lady Capulet
  • *(Transitionals)* including "Past All Hope" ("Point of No Return"/Phantom of the Opera)
  • "Lifetime Marriage" ("Love and Marriage")
    SCENE 12 -- Purgatory Scene: Paris/Rosalind, Nurse Olivia/Lady Capulet, Tybalt (in spirit)
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "Marry Me"/"Let Go of Me" ("Grow For Me"/Little Shop of Horrors)
  • "Set Me Free"/"Let Me Be" ("Let It Be")
    Optional Reprise: "I Wanna Throw-Up!" ("I Gotta Crow!"/Peter Pan)
    SCENE 13 -- Dream Scene: Romeo (in prison), joined by Juliet
  • "On the Street Where You Died" ("On the Street Where You Live"/My Fair Lady)
  • "The Most Horrible Dream" ("The Impossible Dream"/Man of La Mancha)
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "World Without War" ("Part Of Your World"/The Little Mermaid)
    SCENE 14 -- Kangaroo Court: Judge/Jury, Director/Writer, Romeo/Lawyer, Lord/Lady Capulet, Lord/Lady Montague, Parolee, et al
  • *"Kangaroo Court"*
  • "Take Me Back To My Prison" ("Take Me Back To Manhattan"/Anything Goes!)
  • "Judge, Your Honor"/"Mediate" ("Prima Donna"/"Masquerade"/Phantom of the Opera)
    SCENE 15 -- Vault Scene:
    Juliet, Brother Austin, Demons/Ghouls, Ghosts of Ophelia/Hamlet/etc.
  • *"Noisy Scene Change"/(Transitionals)*
  • "The Demon of Bad Poetry" ("The Phantom of the Opera"/Phantom of the Opera)
  • "Hades Hop" ("Heaven Hop"/Anything Goes!)
    SCENE 16 -- Male-bashing: Lords Montague/Capulet
  • *"Dueling Dads"*
  • "You're A Flop!" ("You're the Top"/Anything Goes!)
    SCENE 17 -- Garden: Lords/Ladies Capulet/Montague, Paris/Rosalind
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "It's Adultery" ("It's De-Lovely"/Anything Goes!)
    Optional Reprise: "I Wanna Throw-Up!" ("I Gotta Crow!"/Peter Pan)
    SCENE 18 -- Witnessing Scene: Paris visits Romeo in prison
  • "Spiritual Things" ("My Favorite Things"/The Sound of Music)
  • "Justice and Freedom" ("Suddenly Seymour"/Little Shop of Horrors)
    SCENE 19 -- Finale/Group Wedding:
    Nurse Olivia, Brother Austin, All Couples, Entire Company
  • "Get Ready To Marry Me" ("My Baby Just Cares For Me"/Whoopee!)
  • "Violent Shows" ("Anything Goes!"/Anything Goes!)
  • *(Transitionals)*
  • "Free the Press" ("Be Our Guest"/Beauty and the Beast)
    SCENE 20 -- Optional Encore/Epilogue: Writer and Company
    (Plus Reprises/Optional/Additional Songs in Appendix)
  • "Written Years Ago"/"Juliet and Romeo"
  • "Radicals!"
  • "He's Fine, Fine, Fine!"
  • "Love Scene in the Dark"

    ----------------------------
    NOTE: The following "Houston Intro" introduces the various collaborators/"co-conspirators" who sing about their theatre spaces and life as artists in Houston. Sample lines are written about my personal experience with Kevin Jackson of Zocalo Theatre, as samples only. The real words will be changed to fit the cast/theatres who participate, but I think these capture the basic idea:

    While Kevin moans and groans about Zocalo, I come along thinking I can change the world with my art. We start off simply daydreaming about making some money as artists, and by the end of the song, we envision funding the restoration of the whole Fourth Ward/Montrose area as one huge art piece, and establishing a "national center for cultural art" including an international school for film and music production, etc. (Pretty much the kind of discussions/debates I have with Kevin all the time! -- etn)

    I'm not sure what order these parts go in but here they are:

    ---------------HOUSTON INTRO---------------

    (sung to "Little Shop of Horrors" intro)

    (spoken, as words roll across screen):
    A FEW MONTHS
    BEFORE THE FINAL DAYS
    FOLLOWING THE LAST ELECTION
    IN AMERICAN HISTORY,
    THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT WAS DECLARED
    NULL AND VOID
    FOR FAILURE TO APPLY FOR NON-PROFIT STATUS
    LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

    THE ARTISTS RESPONSIBLE
    FOR LAUNCHING THIS CAMPAIGN
    TO END POLITICAL SLAVERY
    QUICKLY TOOK OVER
    AND BEGAN RUNNING THE COUNTRY
    FROM THE SORRIEST OF PLACES
    AND THE MOST DISORGANIZED OF CITIES
    IN THE GREATEST STATE IN THE UNION
    (WITH THE CRAZIEST GUN LAWS):

    HOUSTON, TEXAS

    CSAW: Commerce Street! Starving Artist Warehouse!
    Just a heartbeat from the county jailhouse!
    Come and see real performance art right now!
    Oh, oh, oh, wow!

    CCT: Cleo's! Comedy The-atre!
    What a show! Nothing could be greater!
    Don't ya know? It's the hottest spot in town!
    The best all around!

    NOTSUOH: At No-TSU-Oh,
    The art deco runs from Retro to the Seventies!
    Come out! Come out and check us out!

    Don't overcrowd
    Or the fire marshalls might try to kick us out
    (Jim hoses down Kevin, wearing a loud shirt)
    For being too loud!

    TEMPLO: At Temple-O,
    Get your message on the screen or on the radio!
    (We're moving, though!)

    You better follow to the letter
    The F-C-C, or the Speech Police will getcha!
    You better protect/invoke your First Amendment right now!

    CHORUS: Oh! Oh, no! Look who's coming this way!
    Johnny Holmes, the D.A.! To Temple-O!
    Oh, what's he want anyway?
    NESTOR: Just the rent that's due today!
    RICHIE: Pay it today! Please don't delay!

    KEVIN + MEN: Won't you get sued
    If you use borrowed tunes
    From other musicals?

    EMILY + WOMEN: TA-LA-LA!
    TALA lawyers said to keep it
    Educational! (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!)

    EMILY: I'd like to call up
    Rush Limbaugh, Madonna,
    Hugh Grant, and Mel!

    CHORUS: You better write a little letter
    To Warner Brothers, and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber!
    Consult Walt Disney to help you make a movie
    Or shot a spot
    From what you've got
    Ready or not
    Starring Dot Comma, Comma, Comma!

    ALL: Commerce Street! Starving Artist Warehouse!
    Just a heartbeat from the county jailhouse!
    Come and see real performance art right now!

    NOTSUOH: At No-TSU-Oh! TEMPLO: And Temple-O! CCT: And don't forget Cleo's!

    {SECTION ENDS}

    EMILY: I was just a silly high school kid,
    Re-writing songs from little plays we did
    Like Li'l Abner and Anything Goes!,
    And Oklahoma! (the same old shows).

    I went to Rice where we did Hello, Hamlet!
    . . . And was inspired
    To do a satire
    On William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

    Because I'm an Artist
    I love satirizing society's pain,
    A parody Artist
    Born to drive everyone just as insane!

    Too crazy to be a great poet! I make Weird Al look like a bore!
    As a parody Artist, I'll be famous and poor!

    KEVIN (wrapping up cords, putting away sound equipment): Abused!
    Like a mule/All my life I've always been USED!
    Doing sound 'til I might blow a FUSE!
    While their yelling gets me confused!
    NESTOR: TURN IT DOWN NOW!
    KEVIN (covering his ears): Oh!
    I'm so glad I retired, as Vice President
    Of Zocalo!
    EMILY (and other poets/artists):
    Oh, I do anything to volunteer here, just to get off the streets!
    STREET POET: Where there's nothing but cops!
    STARVING ARTIST: And there's nothing to eat but some Spam!

    EMILY/ARTISTS/POETS: When you're homeless
    In Houston, Texas, you're hopeless
    As a starving artist in Montrose
    Or any place near Fourth Ward
    Where Life is Art--

    KEVIN: Gotta figure a way to make money from
    ALL: Art!
    EMILY: Let's put on a play and raise money from
    ALL: Art!
    KEVIN: Work hard night and day to make money from
    ALL: Art!
    NESTOR: Film a movie on site! Maybe right here!

    KEVIN: It would really be great to get paid to make
    ALL: Art!
    POET: A final test of our fate/faith to make money at all!
    EMILY: We can no longer wait to make money with
    ALL: Art!
    EMILY/KEVIN: While historical sites are destroyed here!

    EMILY: We can renovate Jefferson Davis as ART!
    EDDIE: Turn Allen Parkway into a campus for ART!
    EMILY: Raise over a billion dollars for ART!
    EDDIE: To rescue Freedman's Town and preserve it as ART!
    KEVIN: Instead of letting developers tear down Fourth Ward!
    ALL: Build a national cultural center for ART!
    [Or: Build a free international campus for ART!]
    For Film and Theatre, Music Production, and ART!

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